the narrative by the lake switching like a fever

anexitlike:

in this town we have a public pool for us and a private pool for the neighborhood on the hill. we learn how to swim when we are seven, we don’t know to be scared, mothers talk loudly with each other and look in silence at their unrecognizable hands. i dream about water you know water it lets you eat it up it knows what’s inside 

i didn’t know the water was a baptism until my head comes up until the heavy thoughts pull away. but that’s now. christian pulling me by my arm come inside you need to come inside! so i do i see benjamin slouched into the armchair and i lay down on the couch and grey water is falling everywhere and christian’s mother wants to come in but she is scared of the thing with sharp teeth on the other side of the door. it’s friendly. it ate my whole hand but i gave it to them. benjamin wants to touch it he can’t he can’t stop crying

christian i know this was a please call situation, an i’m living on air alone but our mouths are so close we will surely both

remember it wrong

some kind of feeling some kind of god flicking me on the head. benjamin doesn’t cry. he smiles straight to my face